cinnamon dew

seared by the sun of youth
you drop your diamonds on the floor
and gather them up in the twilight

longing fills your hat
but it soaks up the rain,
rips cataclysmic

pearls scatter
when you rip the necklace off
Venus’ throat

green turns brown, spins
days to years, as you toil
to find your pulse

you hoard a pearl
at midnight you seek images hidden
among iridescence

until a cinnamon dew
is birthed anew
on the blade of the morn

***

Sharing with dVerse Poets Pub for Crit Friday

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4 Responses to cinnamon dew

  1. Beth Winter says:

    Imagery and metaphors are top notch. This is beautiful poetry, the kind that tugs on my imagination and pulls me into the near-mystical scene.

    Every poem seems to have one stanza that the poet frets over, knows what should be said yet tries over and over again to make it flow. I think that in this poem, the pearl stanza had you working double-time. The second line of that stanza isn’t tracking well for me. Perhaps if it fed off of the first line of the stanza, the flow would improve.

    Truly beautiful. I could get lost in these images. Thank you for the opportunity to view your poem, offer input and thank you for listening.

    Beth

    • Anna says:

      Beth, thank you!
      And… how did you know about that stanza? 🙂 You are right. If you are referring to the 5th stanza “you hoard a pearl”… I did struggle with that one, trying to convey something I had in mind. I’ll work on it some more. (But if you meant the 3rd stanza instead, let me know!)
      I truly appreciate your time and offering feedback! Priceless!

  2. brian says:

    cut the ‘it’in the second stanza…in the third you use rip twice really close, change one creatively….cut the you in second line of 5th stanza as you have it the line before…second line last stanza is passiive, make it births

    mainly just some tightening along the way…loved the opening stanza…and the overall feel of this…

    • Anna says:

      Wow, Brian, I hadn’t even noticed the usage of “rip” so close together, so true how one can read something and not “see”! I like your suggestions, they are excellent, it helps to tighten it up and cut on unnecessary words. Thank you so much, I highly value your opinion, and your time in reading and offering your feedback!

Thank you for your comments, much appreciated!!

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