words sent out



I wrote some words

(not posted here or anywhere online)

written alone

deep from the soul of me

poems, words,

etched from time and


sent them out

here and there


and now wait to hear

what happens


at least I hope for

reverberations of common threads



and words find beautiful souls

on the journey


and words find souls needing


(just as i do)

(just as we all do)




january 31, 2018




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between shadow and soul



“I love you as one loves certain obscure things,
secretly, between the shadow and the soul.”

–Pablo Neruda

Translated by Mark Eisner

Sonnet 17




january 29, 2018


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Hiraeth… an intriguing word…


“Hiraeth is a Welsh word for which there is no direct English translation. The online Welsh–English dictionary of the University of Wales, Lampeter likens it to homesickness tinged with grief or sadness over the lost or departed. It is a mix of longing, yearning, nostalgia, wistfulness, or an earnest desire for the Wales of the past. Hiraeth bears considerable similarities with the Portuguese concept of saudade (a key theme in Fado music), Brazilian Portuguese banzo (more related to homesickness), Galicianmorriña, Romanian dor, Russian ‘toska (тоска) and Ethiopian ‘tizita‘ (ትዝታ).”  (sources: Wikipedia, Wiktionary)


A Welsh word; hard to translate.

  1. homesickness for a home to which you cannot return, a home which maybe never was
  2. an intense form of longing or nostalgia, wistfulness
  3. the grief for the lost places of your past



I see a poem emerging out of this word at some point….


january 2018

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pain on earth


pain on earth is … continuous

and seemingly infinite


at least… it would seem–

perhaps it’s not the experience of all of us,

but of some, or of many


but joy in heaven will be the opposite…

continuous and truly infinite


the familiarity with which

i am reading some words

they have your fingerprint


am i wrong?

did i imagine

or misunderstand?

perhaps i am indeed wrong

…no, but i don’t think so


i would just like to know the truth

(the truth of so many things)


do you know the truth of my life

do you know what is dead

and what is alive?


do you know the desert, the wilderness

of years and years,

yes, years, and many years?


do you know the desolation and deadness

of years of a life?

do you know how long


i’ve been alone?

do you know there is nothing here? nothing…

dead for years

I know it, have known it and

quite frankly it’s hard to live with



i am like one who is single (and there is more to elaborate on that point)

and you are not…

so i have stayed at a distance  



i have kept a dream only in my head

(I know it is wrong- my mind- my thoughts-  my imagination…  i acknowledge and admit it)


if there were an alternate reality
yes, it would be lovely to be there with you
if somehow such things were possible

well, i have already made a fool of myself by saying too much


(i can’t expect the same in return)

(when i stop and think about how ridiculous to believe my own far-out ideas…?!  i really did?! what planet was I living on?! what sort of alternate reality did I think existed?!  fairytale planet?! me and my wild imagination….)


((And one more thing….

i will not bother you

i will not interfere in your life

that’s not me, i’m not that kind of person)


((i have already made a fool of myself earlier

by telling all of this

and i said it all again just now))


((but no matter how ridiculous it sounds – and i am ridiculously wrong –

if it were ever somehow true, and maybe you were alone, like me, and

loved me, too… well, yeah, i’d go with you))



january 26, 2018

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not about me



It was never about me.

Was it my words, perhaps?

I know there was something,

I just don’t know what. Which led

me to believe there was something.

(But it’s all so… weird and confusing.

I don’t think I imagined something. Yet

what was it? My own imagination, 100%?

I don’t think so. I don’t think I was completely


But there is always that possibility.




No bigger fool than me.


I am an idiot

and a fool.


(And this was one of my greatest fears.)

Better to be a fool,

than never know

what you really were

in their eyes (a crazy one? a fool? weirdo? a psycho — really??)


Better to know what they think

of you

then to go on thinking

you meant something.

(You were nothing to them).


Do they think I am…



some sort of fake?



I’m afraid the foolish, simple truth

is that I just fell in love

with you.



Yeah, I know.

Don’t think that I haven’t

already beaten myself up

over my own stupidity


allowing my heart and mind

to travel to the realm of


and yet even more



Better to have the truth out

in the open

and know

the truth


And go on from here.


I can’t tell if this is irony

or satire

or making fun of me


someone telling me something

that I can’t quite understand.


So much in common with you….

It was so… uncanny! The things you’d 

write, say, all of it… 


Come on!

Did I really think this

would ever amount

to something?



In my heart of hearts,

I knew it wouldn’t.


But somehow, stupidly,

irrationally, ridiculously,

I kept on believing

something impossible




What more can I add

to my life’s list of


and humiliations?




january 19, 2018


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Questions can be answered with a story…



sane or a psychopath…

me or someone else?


maybe i am no one.


and i am, yes,

crazy, to think

you loved me

or might have.




and i know i am alone

and no one is anxious to see me

in real life


no bigger fool than me



january 17, 2018



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only one voice



I’m not looking for a million voices

or even a thousand

in the multitude

of voices here on earth.

I only want to hear one.

A voice that matters to me.



But you seem as far away as the moon


and I am unable to speak to you

and you are unable to speak to me

(and your voice is silent).


Silent voices

(of those you wish to love)

(of those you wish loved you)

are a source of pain.


I miss you

I miss what never was

what never will be

what never can be.


And I hate the word




January 17, 2018


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