hidden

 

 

words cloaked in secrecy

disguised by a covert pen

 

but should love be also

blanketed in mystery

 

yet it is so and must be so

swathed and concealed

 

my love for a beautiful one

remains hidden in words

 

__________

november 2017

 

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river song

 

A river flows

through days

reflecting dreams

 

The river sings

a melody

turning hope to song

 

The river cuts through

a stone of lies

meanders around moments

 

I toss laughter and tears

in the river

the current swells

 

The river tosses back

discarded words

they die in my hands

 

I sing the river melody

it becomes me

and my song

 

__________

november 2017

 

 

 

 

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replay

 

post-traumatic stress

is what I named it

for lack of a better term

 

internal tremor

invisible layer

underneath days, months, years

 

walking among landmines

 

when waking up from nightmares

who wants to stay

and replay hell again

 

________

november 2017

 

 

 

 

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clanging noise

 

Some people drain the energy out of you

Suck out all life and breath

Their presence is like a clanging cymbal

Drowning out good music and words

 

Other people

I imagine are just the opposite

 

______

november 2017

 

 

 

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impossibilities

 

impossibilities

 

 

There is a certain face

I would love to see every day

 

There is a certain smile

That delights me

(whenever I am fortunate to see that smile)

 

There is a certain voice

I like to hear

 

I would love to hear his voice

Every day

Speaking, singing, praying, whispering, 

laughing, talking, dreaming, marveling, discussing…

 

There is a pair of bright eyes

I’d like to see every day

(I would love to look into those eyes)

 

But time and circumstances

Dictate otherwise

 

In my foolishness

I still dream

Of impossibilities

And imagine how anything so impossible

Could possibly be

 

I hope, wish, dream, imagine, pray

of impossibilities

 

And redirect my dreams and thoughts

to the beauty of falling leaves

and rays of sunshine falling on me

 

Hope in God

and His plans for me

 

But I also hope for other beautiful things

Which life has not given me

Which do not exist for me

And wish for those plans to include

something like this

someone like him

 

Certain beautiful people-

or person- I should say

I’m glad they exist-

or I’m happy he exists-

I should say

 

Though he might as well be

as far away as the moon

 

Because it reminds me

beautiful people exist

Though he can’t be with me

beautiful people exist

like him

 

Though he is

as far away as the moon

from me

As far away as circumstances

 and reality can be

 

I constantly wonder

what he is doing

where he is

how he is

 

And wish to be the one

the one he talks to

but I am not

And I wish to be the one

who talks to him

but I am not

And wish to be the one he loves

but I am not

 

He cannot think of me

or would he- even-

even if he could

I have no way to know

 

He must be happy and content in his life

And I can’t go there

 (or is he? I presume so, he indicates so,

I suppose so, I do not know so, I do not know)

 

Boundaries, barriers, borders, barricades

 

I have to be content

I try to be content

with what I can see, hear

with the same he shares with the rest of the world

And that his eyes full of light

cannot give me a second thought

And I have tried very hard

to not think of these things

to remind myself of impossibilities

 

The distance–

it may only be a few miles

but his presence and love

are as far away as the moon

from me

and

an impossibility

 

Every day, I walk through the pain and ache

of this

 

He, living in his sphere

not knowing

I think of him

Not that it would matter

to him

(It’s me dreaming again)

 

He does not know I love his face and smile

his heart

his words

himself

He has no way to know

 

I wade through waters

of impossibilities

 

____

november 2017

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song of home

 

song of home

 

 

my song of home

 

is a song I carry with me

and always will

 

no one reads these words

or knows my songs

 

I wish to know you

were reading

 

but do you know

one of those songs

 

is you

beautiful you

 

.

november 2017

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no man’s land

I’m in no man’s land

Chasing after a fool’s vision

 

I know it and yet I still walk toward

The edge of imaginary sunsets

 

Of what I know and don’t know

 

I seem to be lost

In some sort of strange place

 

Between here and there

Nowhere and somewhere

 

I think sometimes I know

And then I think I’m wrong

And don’t know anything

About anything

 

Because reality is a hard dose of truth

And I have to step back in the winter

 

And because reality is reality

It is

What is

 

Running, I feel like running

And turn time backward

To all things and make it all ok

For everyone

 

Let me go home

Home, for just a while

 

And collect each day once again,

More slowly this time,

More slowly

 

Maybe one day these two worlds

Will meld

And I’ll no longer have to

Fall asleep daydreaming

.

 

november 2017

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